Monday, June 29, 2020

The Teddy Graham Miracle (An Inspiring Tale for Dark Times)


These are dark times. Metaphorically, and literally as I sit here writing at 4:30 a.m. But if John Krasinski has taught us anything, it is that we need to appreciate the good that is out there too. The following story could only be described as a certified Catholic miracle (though the characters in question are Jewish, Jewishy and Iowa Neutral).

The Teddy Graham Miracle 

(the box speaks for itself)

Like his father, Dan Jr. (not his real name. It's actually Dan Sr. Dan Jr. is my dad) seeks solace in food items of the sweet variety. You can catch him licking ketchup off his plate at dinner time or absconding to his pillow fort with hot chocolate packets. So yesterday at snack time (which lately has been any time mommy and daddy aren't paying attention), he took down the box of chocolate Teddy Grahams and brought them over to the table. This time we were around so we told him he could pour himself a bowl (as opposed to eating the entire box--which is, of course wrong to do unless you are over 35). So he begrudgingly did as was asked. The box got taken away.

"This isn't enough!" he whined. Daddy silently agreed.

"Yes, it is, " mommy says. "See, what's a serving? A serving is 24. Count them."

So Dan Sr. begins counting. One by one. 6, 7, 8.  12, 13, 14. He's up to like 16 when daddy realizes this might be exact and starts to get excited.

"Woah. Could there be 24 there?"

19, 20, 21.

"I think there is---" Mommy gives daddy a look like, you good over there? .

22, 23-

Holy sh$%!

24, exact! There is a god!

"It's still not enough," Dan Sr. whines.

So count your blessings, because they might be an exact serving size!*





*Also, coincidentally, 24.

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

PanDUMBic

A pancake would be great.
A pan pizza I'd decimate.
I'd gladly take in a panorama
of Panama or Alabama.
A panapoly of pansies would be lovely.
I'd die happy if a panda hugged me.
My pancreas is useful I'm told.
But this pandemic? Growing old.


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