Potential Titles for My Pandemic Memoir

1. Cover Me, I'm Going In: How we Faced the Breathtaking Changes to the Fabric of Our Lives. 

2. The Day the Purell Stopped: An Unsanatized Account of Life During the Pandemic.

3. An Uberable Feast

4. Eat, Pray, Shove: Finding Tranquility and Toilet Paper during the Pandemic. 

5. Another Bullshit Night on Suck Sofa.

6. If a Teacher Talks on Zoom, Does He Make a Sound? Teaching during the pandemic.

7. Fear and Loathing in My Living Room, Bathroom, Kitchen and Bedroom.  

8. A Really Long Ass Time to Kill, or How I watched Hamilton 10 times in 5 weeks. 

9. A Tale of Two Guineas: How Mabel and Douglas Lifted Our Chins and Each Other's During the Pandemic

10. Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: How it Became Apparent that Alien Invasion is Preferable to Sharing the Planet with the Horrible Life Forms Residing in Our Own Neighborhoods.

© Daniel Sennis 2021. All rights reserved.

This Spring Day (A Poem)

Super Strider Poem Video

Here is me reading my poem "Super Strider" from my book O Conman My Conman: Sick Rhymes for Sick Times. 

The Teddy Graham Miracle (An Inspiring Tale for Dark Times)

These are dark times. Metaphorically, and literally as I sit here writing at 4:30 a.m. But if John Krasinski has taught us anything, it is that we need to appreciate the good that is out there too. The following story could only be described as a certified Catholic miracle (though the characters in question are Jewish, Jewishy and Iowa Neutral).

The Teddy Graham Miracle 

(the box speaks for itself)

Like his father, Dan Jr. (not his real name. It's actually Dan Sr. Dan Jr. is my dad) seeks solace in food items of the sweet variety. You can catch him licking ketchup off his plate at dinner time or absconding to his pillow fort with hot chocolate packets. So yesterday at snack time (which lately has been any time mommy and daddy aren't paying attention), he took down the box of chocolate Teddy Grahams and brought them over to the table. This time we were around so we told him he could pour himself a bowl (as opposed to eating the entire box--which is, of course wrong to do unless you are over 35). So he begrudgingly did as was asked. The box got taken away.

"This isn't enough!" he whined. Daddy silently agreed.

"Yes, it is, " mommy says. "See, what's a serving? A serving is 24. Count them."

So Dan Sr. begins counting. One by one. 6, 7, 8.  12, 13, 14. He's up to like 16 when daddy realizes this might be exact and starts to get excited.

"Woah. Could there be 24 there?"

19, 20, 21.

"I think there is---" Mommy gives daddy a look like, you good over there? .

22, 23-

Holy sh$%!

24, exact! There is a god!

"It's still not enough," Dan Sr. whines.

So count your blessings, because they might be an exact serving size!*





*Also, coincidentally, 24.

PanDUMBic

A pancake would be great.
A pan pizza I'd decimate.
I'd gladly take in a panorama
of Panama or Alabama.
A panapoly of pansies would be lovely.
I'd die happy if a panda hugged me.
My pancreas is useful I'm told.
But this pandemic? Growing old.

© Daniel Sennis 2021. All Rights Reserved.

The Origin of Daniel Sennis

In my last entry, I discussed the new movie, Social Suicide which explains part of this blog's beginnings. But there is another tale that needs to be told about this blog. One filled with Media Moguls, amazing super powers, pizza sauce and a girl by the name of Ivana Betterman.

It started with a book. The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging,which I found in the bargain bin at my local bookstore and thought, though I had absolutely no interest in blogging...$3...what a steal!

That night, I was so excited--I read most of the three page introduction before carelessly throwing the book in the trash. I knew I had to find out more about blogging, and how I could use it to distract myself from the important things in life.

First, I tried sending Ms. Huffington an e-vite to my upcoming Charlie's Angels themed Birthday party, but no such luck.

Then fortune intervened. I heard that Ms. Huffington was going to be attending one of those mean-spirited rich people bring-an-idiot parties at the end of the week. I knew that if I could get close enough to one of the party guests, I would surely get an invite.

The first time I got a chance to talk to Arianna was when she was handing me out first prize at the end of the night. I took the opportunity to tell Ms. Huffington how much I desired to be a blogger just like her. She laughed for a while.

“Oh, you’re serious.”

She then looked at me pityingly. Then she bit me. She took my hand and bit it as hard as she could.

“Ow!” I screamed. “What was that for?”

“You’ll see, Daniel Sennis.”

“My name isn’t Daniel Sennis!" I shouted as I ran crying out the door, trophy in hand.

That night, I wasn’t feeling very well.

“What’s the matter?” asked my girlfriend.

"Ever since Arianna Huffington bit me as hard as she could at the Idiot Party, I haven't been feeling very good. I'm going to lie down.”

Lying on the couch, I was bombarded with images of blogger dashboards, Google image searches, templates, RSS feeds, Arianna Huffington going in for the bite.

"What's happening to me?" I screamed.

Then my Huffington bite glowed red and I heard Arianna’s accented voice:

"It's time, Daniel Sennis. Blog your huge blogger butt off. Huffington out."

The blog came naturally due to new-found powers: enhanced word play ability (needed for the obligatory play-on-words blog title); super touch typing speed (over 35 wpm); and most importantly, Super Human self-importance.

The next day, my girlfriend, Ivana Betterman, asked me why I wasn't at work. My hair was disheveled and I had pizza sauce all over my face.

"I'm a blogger now. This is my work."

"Yeah, well, tell me how that works out for you. 

"You're leaving me?"

"Yes, you have shown me that I really need to figure out who Betterman is."

The next day Buster, the disabled Orangutan moved in, and the rest is movie history.

Aaron Dorkin to Direct Movie About My Blog!

Excited to announce that the critically acclaimed filmmaker Aaron Dorkin will be making a movie of the controversial founding of this blog entitled Social Suicide. Starring Jesse Ears'n'berg, the movie chronicles the legal battle between an emotionally unstable nutty bar-addicted blogger (me) and my roommate at Disney University, Buster, a mentally disabled Orangutan -- who claims I stole his idea for the blog.  Tensions rise, as Buster and I enter Judge Judy's court to fight over the blog's considerable investment money -- $100 dollars raised on Kickstarter from a mysterious donor named "Love Dad." I won't give too much away, besides that someone goes home with a ton of bananas.*  Not only is Social Suicide a legal drama of the high caliber of such Oscar worthy films as Legally Blonde 2  and Liar Liar, it is also a chronicle of a historic website that forever revolutionized social relations.** Don't miss Social Suicide. Hannukah 2015.

       Buster the mentally disabled Orangutan, played by Jimmy the Orangutan*** in Social Suicide


*Spoiler alert. It isn't Buster.
**After the site's founding, people have pretty much given up on the belief that learning about other people is worthwhile and have begun isolating themselves socially.
*** Jimmy, who is not a mentally disabled Orangutan himself, is up for an academy award for his ingenius portrayal of a mentally disabled primate .