It started with a book. The Huffington Post Complete Guide to Blogging,which I found in the bargain bin at my local bookstore and thought, though I had absolutely no interest in blogging...$3...what a steal!
That night, I was so excited--I read most of the three page introduction before carelessly throwing the book in the trash. I knew I had to find out more about blogging, and how I could use it to distract myself from the important things in life.
First, I tried sending Ms. Huffington an e-vite to my upcoming Charlie's Angels themed Birthday party, but no such luck.
Then fortune intervened. I heard that Ms. Huffington was going to be attending one of those mean-spirited rich people bring-an-idiot parties at the end of the week. I knew that if I could get close enough to one of the party guests, I would surely get an invite.
The first time I got a chance to talk to Arianna was when she was handing me out first prize at the end of the night. I took the opportunity to tell Ms. Huffington how much I desired to be a blogger just like her. She laughed for a while.
“Oh, you’re serious.”
She then looked at me pityingly. Then she bit me. She took my hand and bit it as hard as she could.
“Ow!” I screamed. “What was that for?”
“You’ll see, Daniel Sennis.”
“My name isn’t Daniel Sennis!" I shouted as I ran crying out the door, trophy in hand.
That night, I wasn’t feeling very well.
“What’s the matter?” asked my girlfriend.
"Ever since Arianna Huffington bit me as hard as she could at the Idiot Party, I haven't been feeling very good. I'm going to lie down.”
Lying on the couch, I was bombarded with images of blogger dashboards, Google image searches, templates, RSS feeds, Arianna Huffington going in for the bite.
"What's happening to me?" I screamed.
Then my Huffington bite glowed red and I heard Arianna’s accented voice:
"It's time, Daniel Sennis. Blog your huge blogger butt off. Huffington out."
The blog came naturally due to new-found powers: enhanced word play ability (needed for the obligatory play-on-words blog title); super touch typing speed (over 35 wpm); and most importantly, Super Human self-importance.
The next day, my girlfriend, Ivana Betterman, asked me why I wasn't at work. My hair was disheveled and I had pizza sauce all over my face.
"I'm a blogger now. This is my work."
"Yeah, well, tell me how that works out for you.
That night, I was so excited--I read most of the three page introduction before carelessly throwing the book in the trash. I knew I had to find out more about blogging, and how I could use it to distract myself from the important things in life.
First, I tried sending Ms. Huffington an e-vite to my upcoming Charlie's Angels themed Birthday party, but no such luck.
Then fortune intervened. I heard that Ms. Huffington was going to be attending one of those mean-spirited rich people bring-an-idiot parties at the end of the week. I knew that if I could get close enough to one of the party guests, I would surely get an invite.
The first time I got a chance to talk to Arianna was when she was handing me out first prize at the end of the night. I took the opportunity to tell Ms. Huffington how much I desired to be a blogger just like her. She laughed for a while.
“Oh, you’re serious.”
She then looked at me pityingly. Then she bit me. She took my hand and bit it as hard as she could.
“Ow!” I screamed. “What was that for?”
“You’ll see, Daniel Sennis.”
“My name isn’t Daniel Sennis!" I shouted as I ran crying out the door, trophy in hand.
That night, I wasn’t feeling very well.
“What’s the matter?” asked my girlfriend.
"Ever since Arianna Huffington bit me as hard as she could at the Idiot Party, I haven't been feeling very good. I'm going to lie down.”
Lying on the couch, I was bombarded with images of blogger dashboards, Google image searches, templates, RSS feeds, Arianna Huffington going in for the bite.
"What's happening to me?" I screamed.
Then my Huffington bite glowed red and I heard Arianna’s accented voice:
"It's time, Daniel Sennis. Blog your huge blogger butt off. Huffington out."
The blog came naturally due to new-found powers: enhanced word play ability (needed for the obligatory play-on-words blog title); super touch typing speed (over 35 wpm); and most importantly, Super Human self-importance.
The next day, my girlfriend, Ivana Betterman, asked me why I wasn't at work. My hair was disheveled and I had pizza sauce all over my face.
"I'm a blogger now. This is my work."
"Yeah, well, tell me how that works out for you.
"You're leaving me?"
"Yes, you have shown me that I really need to figure out who Betterman is."
The next day Buster, the disabled Orangutan moved in, and the rest is movie history.
The next day Buster, the disabled Orangutan moved in, and the rest is movie history.
Posts
